Well, after six years of being delayed for surgery (because I refused to wear a dress) I was finally
groomed and ready for surgery. They, the psychiatric profession had managed to mould me into
what they thought womanhood was all about. I thought at last free from having to go to see a
psychiatrist every two weeks, sometimes a month. My psychiatrist said "you should be elated
you're going for your surgery" my reply was why? Should a person in a wheelchair be grateful for
the chair? Its not my fault I am born the way I am.
It was one year (1994) that I first met my surgeon I was vetted by two psychiatrists and now the
physical to see if I was okay. The Surgeon operated out of a well known hospital in Glan clywdd
`Wales. My examination was very brief the only comment was that I passed well and was a
small framed individual. Then she went on to ask about relationships the whole thing was over in
Going for Surgery
My friend Debra and Joyce kindly took me on my journey to hospital which was the 24 March 1995 we, arrived at hospital by mid morning ready for me to sign the necessary paperwork and have cross match blood tests and, a Urine sample taken. By late afternoon Debra & Joyce had left and I was on my own for a while before meeting another patient who was down for surgery in the morning (mine was in the afternoon) I kicked up a fuss because they would not let me have anything to eat despite my operation not going on until late tomorrow afternoon.
That evening a young nurse came in to my room to see if I was alright and just to go over details again with me. "You are having the full operation aren't you Gail?" puzzled I say yes I thing so why? She checked on her list and said oh! Your not down for having a clitoris clitoris? I said the nurse explained what one was and that since I was not down for one she thought it strange as the "other girl" in before me was having one. The nurse said did I want one and I said well, yes she then left the room to go and fined one of the surgeons who would be doing my operation the next day.
Half an hour later a handsome guy walked in by the name of "Simon" he exclaimed I see your not down for the full surgery? I know I said I explained that I did not know what a clitoris was and he went on about if they had enough surgical time he would see that I had the full surgery.
Next Day being prepared for surgery
I was awoke early it was around six thirty in the morning "nil by mouth" was scribbled on the board above my bed with the name of the surgeon and nurse in charge. I was starving hungry but was not aloud to eat anything. By around eight thirty I was sent off to have a shower with some antiseptic stuff and to shave certain areas that needed to be taken care of. I came back and was told to put what looked like a paper hat on my head and paper underwear and a surgical gown. By around ten oclock an anaesthetist came in and fitted me with what looked like a plug in my hand I was also given two little white tablets and told to lie ontop of the bed.
Going Down
Well Gail, its your turn love X is back up after her operation and all went well. Come on honey slide across onto the trolley for me. Which I did I, was then taken along the corridors to the surgical bed lift.
The porter pressed the button on the lift and said "going down" I, hope not I said and we both laughed I remember going through the doors of the operating theatre and feeling a gush of really fresh air everything seemed to happen so fast things stuck all over my body a peg fing on my finger and something to make me go to sleep was being syringed into the tap like thing on my hand. Count to ten please then, I was asleep. When I woke up it was the early evening I was groggy and could not lift my head I could hear the nurse calling my name but it seemed faint "come on love" "gail" your alright love your operation was a complete success Miss X is very pleased. I fell back asleep and did not wake until the next day. When I did wake I was conscious that I did not have a pillow I pressed my buzzer to ask the nurse for a pillow in walks the nurse "could I have a pillow please"? No replied the nurse you have to lay flat on your back for four days or your operation might go wrong. I felt miserable I could only stare at the ceiling by the third day I was in a mess mentally so I sat partially up just lifting my head who should walk passed my room but the surgeon she went mad and said "you should not move your surgery could go wrong" if I catch you again I'll have you secured to that bed said the surgeon I began to cry I felt miserable and wanted to go home later in the afternoon post and presents arrived my room was full of flowers and balloons saying it's a girl congratulations. I was very lucky that I had such good family support and kind friends. That cheered me up abit.
Day five was the removal of packing
I was moved across onto this hard black trolley with just a cover over me waiting for the surgeon to come in. When she came in she was with a group of people I did not know who they were but I lay virtually naked on this black trolley and the nurse cut my T bandage off then the surgeon removed the packing it was like a gauze and there was a lot of it it, was a funny sensation but, not as bad as the one I was about to endure. I was introduced to the stent it was a hard thing with a round handle on it lots of lubricant was applied and it was at this point the surgeon tried to insert it she really hurt me and the nurses held my arms I was in a lot of pain but the surgeon went on to push harder the stent just bounced out the surgeon then slammed the stent down and walked out leaving the nurses to look after me I was in tears four days of lying on my back and all this pain for nothing. As the day progressed nil by mouth was put on the board above my bed and a nurse came back in to see me she "exclaimed your going back down to the operating room in the morning to be re packed"
At this stage I wanted to die I thought six years with a psychiatrist to have botched surgery nah I don't want to go on. The next day I was re dressed ready for surgery and sent off on a familiar journey I went through another four days until the packing came out and again the stent just bounced. I was angry and said when I get out of hear that's it finnished. That evening the surgeon came in to see me and sat in a large chair across from my bed "I'm afraid sweetie I did the best I can" its your frame size that let you down" my emotions were all over the place I knew that all I wanted to do was kill myself anyway I could. The next day the other girls mum and dad came to see me as they had heard what had happened they suggested that their daughter come in to see me which she did. We talked for a while and she let on that she was not that bothered if her operation had worked or not as she did not plan on using it. I was in the hospital for another week whilst they worked out what to do with me. The surgeon suggested more revision work which after a few more attempts I requested that she contact a leading surgeon in Brighton which, she kindly did. However the health authority was not so kind and insisted that I stayed with the surgeon who did the original work as, in there eyes I was her responsibility. After nearly one and a half years I was going to meet surgeon M R from hove in Brighton.
Operation 4 to follow
Mr R comes to wales
By now things had heeled up and I went back to hospital to meet two surgeons one of which was Michael Royle the other was Jas Majins from Amsterdam. I lay on this hard slab waiting for Michael Royle to come in when he arrived I was supprised to see him with another surgeon who was foreign
He examined me and said that everything was in the wrong place he, did not seem to impressed
November 1998
I went to visit Mr Royle earlier that year to ask if anything could be done I, remember walking into this large room which was a Victorian house with large doors. Ah, he exclaimed a pretty feminine one! Hmm I thought "sales pitch" but then no as the NHS was paying the bill. Your very pretty he exclaimed! Your making me blush and, I will forget what to ask! He then went on to ask about family illness's and other details then on to the examination hmmm he said I don't know "right" jump down and get dressed. He went on to say that if I had come to see him first and so on then we talked about coloplasty surgery and went into detail about how it would be done.
Coloplasty to follow
Sheesh, I was upset the bus driver had put me off at the wrong stop so I had to walk the rest of the way it was a lovely warm day so I didn't mind it, was very warm for the time of the year when I approached woodingdean Nuffield hospital I couldn't believe what I was seeing it was a beautifull brand new building more like a five star hotel than a hospital. I went inside to the reception filled out a few forms and was escorted by a nurse upstairs to my room gosh it had everything a fridge television my own bathroom and lovely views across the english channel. The nurse who was assigned to me came in and introduced herself and more details were taken and the customary plastic id tag was fitted to my wrist. That evening Micheal Royle came in to see me and once again talked about insisions as I wanted to minimise scar damage as much as possible "well said Micheal I will come in tommorrow and draw on you where we are going to make the insision I, will keep it below the bikini line?" okay I smiled that's fine. It was becoming a familiar procedure the next morning Iwas awoke early told to go shower put on the usual paper underwear and hat and to take the two white tablets and lay ontop of the bed. Micheal as promised popped in and drew the lines on me where he would make the insision. The nurse came in to see me just to go over issues such as alergies to medication and so on. The anaesthetist paid a short visit before disappearing off and a pain nurse came in to talk about pain releif it was then the afternoon and it was my turn to go for surgery I, was slid across onto the trolly and wheeled down the corridedoor it was so posh I remember thinking! By this time I had fallen asleep and remember coming round back in my bed again I could not lift my head and the nurse was calling my name. The next day I remember thinking how come I don't feel hungry? I asked the nurse and she explained it was the little bag of clear stuff that was being fed into my body I felt uphoric too ! that's because of the pain releif your getting" said the nurse I had this little button to press which gave me pain releif and was aloud so many shots over a given time. The familiar T bandage felty bloody but for the first time I was so happy I thought at last its over! Mail once again started to arrive from family and friends and I spoke with my sister on the telephone. The day arrived and the usual proceedure of removing the T bandage began Mr Royle will be in shortly said the nurse at that moment he walked in and proceeded over to the table where the stents were the nurse also suggested to relax me I breath in this gas if the pain was uncomfortable which I gladly did! Stent 1 went in without any problem trouble was it was so small (less than half an inch) Stent 2 was a different matter I started beeding as Michael tried to get the stent to go in but it wouldn't he, suggested I relax and that I should try again later. By this time I was in an emotional mess I thought my fith operation how can this happen to me? The nursing staff watched over me as I tried to insert stent 2 but had no luck I, said to the nurse who was looking after me "well that's it then I'm finnished" I started to cry and feelings of why me why do I always have to suffer. I didn't want to eat I just wanted to leave as soon as possible. The charge nurse came in to see me and said " do you want to see our resident psychiatrist? "no thankyou I don't want to see anyone" well said the nurse I think you should hes very good you know " oh I replied so he can fix my failed surgery then, I don't want to see anyone" later that evening there was a knock on my door "can I come in?" why? "My name is Russel Reid consultant psychiatrist to Nuffield hospitals and your charge nurse is very concerned about you!. We had a talk and he left his mobile number and went off. I did not see Michael Royle again for at least another six months by which time he suggested some more revision work where by the colon graft was to be moved further down nearer the vaginal enterance which was done and improved things slightly.
The colon surgery is not a good option for those considering such an operation drawbacks include problems with smelly mucos that seems random and some times its exteremly difficult to clean out the very top inner most part of the vagina where it is sewn up. If you have a dialator inside the action of the colon behaves like it is trying to move food along which means the stent can be pushed out this in turn produces a stomach ache effect and is not pleasant.
2001 Mr Tim Terry consultant Urologist
It was in September 2001 that I went to see another surgeon by the name of Tim Terry it was around eight thirty in the evening and as I sat in the waiting room I noticed everyone was being seen but me this caused me to feel upset and typical which ran through my mind! It got to the stage where I was the last one and I wasn't feeling very pleased as it was getting late by this time at the bottom of one of the corridors a man looked out and said " would the one with the sad face come in" I walked down an at this stage felt oh well theres nothing he can do! "I left you till last so we could have a good talk" well, I said I think I'm wasting your time theres nothing that can be done my frame size is too small. "rubbish" exclaimed Mr Terry and he suggested that I get changed ready for an examination "do you want a nurse present" naah I'm not bothered he then proceded on with the examination and pressed what I thought was bone it wasn't it was muscle muscle, that Mr Terry claims should have been cut during my surgery back in 1998. So, that's what is causing my dialators not to be able to fit. Mr Terry was very honest and said he alone did not have the skill to do the work but was prepared to work alongside a Mr James Dalrymple in December 2001 I went to see Mr Dalrymple who once again examined me and agreed with Mr Terry's findings that it was indeed the muscles causing the obstruction he went on to say that he was not willing to perform the surgery due to the fact that I had had six operations and that with the build up of scar tissue it would not be feasable and would leave me worse off. Since then I have spent a lot of time in psychiatric therapy which for me has not worked. I did request an M.R.I scan but my doctor said he could not find anyone who would be able to interpret the results so, I have drawn a blank. I have written what happened to me in a hope it may help others make an informed choice about something that will ultimately effect the rest of your life. I also write to let other "small framed people know" you are not alone if, you have not had your surgery ask lots of questions about possible complications due to your small frame. See also the letter from the surgeon which will follow on the next page. What has happened to me I hope will never happen to anyone else part of my problem is that because I am small "average girl size and build" I get lots of attention from the guys its hard enough telling a guy your transsexual its even harder when you say "by the way surgery faild as well" I hope to pluck up the courage to end my misery therapy is not the answer and it appears that time isnt either.
Godbless
Gail
