Betsy's Story

When was growing up, I became so inured to having my genitals looked at it,

I was befuddled that it did not occur the first time I saw the endo of my

choice. Luckily, as an adult, it has never come up nor would I allow it.

After I had my surgery to open the vagina the first time, the doctor (I am

being generous by even calling him a doctor) used to take pictures. It

amazes me that my mother allowed it; he claimed it was for follow-up

purposes. Did anyone ask me if I wanted to be the subject of some study?

I had to have a second surgery because the first one messed up. This time

the surgeon was a woman and she repositioned the vagina back (too far) and brought my uretha a bit forward and also made some labial folds with the

skin. Does it look weird? Yes.

I have a tough time even writing or speaking of the doctor who did the

clitoral surgery. We had a confrontation when I was about 18 and while I did

get an apology, there is still much anger. I know my parents had what they

thought was my best interest in mind when it occured but there is still

tension as a result of it. I really think it has made my relationship with

them strained. I have tried to bring it up as an adult but they refuse to

discuss the matter. To my mother's credit, I think there is alot of guilt

over it and she doesn't know how to express it. But I also think she

doesn't understand my anger over it either. Now, I pay psychologists

instead.

The "clit doctor" urged me to get counseling after our encounter. I did and

it has become an unending search for answers since then. How could this

happen in our so-called modern society? The real sad part, I never knew

what exactly what was wrong until I become an adult and started dating. I

somehow always evaded the shower scene after gym because I knew something was different but didn't know what or why. Imagine my conundrum once I did learn. And I learned that the choice of surgery should have been left to me. There will always be resentment over what they did to me. No shrink  will get me past that. Do I sound angry? Good, because I am.

There have been instances as an adult going to a gyno doctor that I have had

to endure the pain of their tools being entered into my uretha. Trust

me...no matter how gentle, it hurts...real bad. Needless to say, I became

very self-educated very quick on choosing a gyno since then.

The only part I feel lucky about is that they only clipped off the clitoral

tissue. I still have a quite a bit of vaginal sensation.

Since I am a lesbian, the same situation has also arisen. I am single and so

I date often. If it looks like it may go beyond a kiss goodnight, I alway

forced to try (struggle) to find an appropriate way to broach the subject

ahead of time (it's really hard to bluff my way through this with another

woman). I am lucky that along with the vaginal sensation, I also have a

tiny bit of clitoral sensation. But almost every woman I have been intimate

with has thought she was in the right place when it was actually my uretha.

Imagine yourself trying to explain that. The weird part (I am not

complaining here) is that when I get aroused I get a very odd yet feminine

hard-on. The only good I know of with that aspect is that I have yet to

knowingly been with a woman that didn't like what I have.

I realize that sharing all the above may be too much information for some,

but it's the real thing and when you consider the surgery for your daughter,

I hope you think about it and it's effect on her as an adult. I see so many

mention the fear of what babysitters, siblings, whatever...may think, but

that is such a small segment of one's life. It's taken me all of my adult

life and then some to get past it and I am not even close to having lived a

full live at 36 years old. Think about when your daughter is an adult and

dealing with her own issues, not the doctors', not yours.

Betsy

5150@hotmail.com

Organisation Intersex International