Livingstone

Holding Respect For the Rainbow – Thoughts on Person Centred Gender

Tina Livingstone MBACP B Ed Hons Dip Couns

Introduction

My experience is that, once primary needs of food and shelter are met, most human beings need –

A sense of belonging somewhere in the world; and an element of genuine connection with both self and others,

Moreover, because we live in gendered societies, both of these needs are rooted to some degree in -

A sense of authenticity in our gender, whatever and however we perceive that to be.

One of the problems that gender minorities face is that, whether they experience themselves within or beyond the binary model, the vast majority have tended to regard them as inauthentic or unreal.

Primarily this is because most people are Cisgendered, i.e., their gender identity forms a generally close match with both their apparent biological sex and the behaviours and roles considered appropriate for that sex in society. The binary gender model embedded in many cultures actually regards Man and Woman as the only self determinations of sex and gender that are considered valid. However even as a rough sort, the very nature of this, as with any system, is that its very existence excludes people who do not fit its parameters. Thus, those whose physicality and/or psychology and/or behaviours don’t fit the binary structure are frequently deemed invalid and inauthentic.

I propose - There can be no greater alienation than to be deemed an inauthentic human being.

Humankind, like any other living organisms, require positive conditions in which to grow and flourish. Being social animals, this includes being part of recognised groups and being valid and valued by the same. Unfortunately majority rule is so strong that those who find themselves outside the accepted gender formula frequently face having their identities denied or stigmatised.

Where Cisgendered people have the privilege of exploring their authenticity from diverse perspectives, be they essentialist or constructivist, those who experience themselves outside that normative system – be they transgendered, intergendered, androgyne, or third gender – find their authenticity questioned from diverse perspectives.

It feels to me that the majority of people remain blissfully unaware that what Fausto-Sterling referred to as their “Platonic dimorphic mold” (2000) is not only fundamentally flawed, it actually diminishes and dehumanises some people’s very existence. Other than in Science Fiction, our everyday literary narratives afford gender variance no room – and thus it is relegated to realms of the fictitious. Society it seems remains fixed on the 18th century notions of “natural law”- where the social division of the sexes was justified by the biological differences of the majority – and the remainder remained unspoken. To transition from one of the binary genders to the other / to gender bend between both / or to consider oneself utterly outside those parameters is still regarded by many as against “natural law”

The diversity of gender I have had the privilege to encounter leads me to regard this phenomenon more as a multifaceted jewel than a binary boxed set. As Fausto-Sterling notes “male and female, masculine and feminine, cannot be parsed as some kind of continuum. Rather, sex and gender are best conceptualized as points in a multidimensional space.”

I believe that if we can learn to hold such notions with equal respect to all facets or indeed points, many more people would be able to get on with the everyday business of living without being encumbered by binary gendered conditions of worth.

Masculinities, Femininities and Beyond the Binary

Our notions of gender are so polarised that it’s virtually impossible to have any discourse on the subject without reference to masculine and feminine stereotypes. Yet when asked to map their experienced gender in terms of masculinities and femininities even cisgendered people come up with very un-polarised perspectives.

I recently ran the exercise below with therapists undertaking training in Gender Diversity, requiring them to consider each of the situations with reference to how they perceived their gender would be experienced or expressed in such circumstance

Read each statement then place yourself on the line with regard to that situation

(Don’t think too long! Be spontaneous! )

The way you are dressed today

Male Female

Where you are when faced with a business challenge

Male Female

Where you are when having fun

Male Female

Where you are when looking after the seriously ill ( pet, child, friend)

Male Female

Where you are when having good sex

Male Female

How you think others see you

Male Female

How you wish to be seen by others

Male Female

In a mixed group of cisgendered therapists the majority of people actually scored themselves between 5 and 7 on this chart. The consensus arrived at in discourse being that most people dwelt in the mid ground. When asked if anyone had actually scored a 1 or a 10 - two of the men had allocated a 1 score to one item on the chart, and one woman had given herself a 10. One man then smilingly declared that he had given himself a 9 for good sex; which was felt both genuine and celebratory for that person. Another chap raised the observation that the whole group, including himself had placed their identities for “Where you are when looking after the seriously ill (pet, child, friend)” toward the female, and in similarly stereotypical form had mostly leaned toward male for the business challenge. An interesting discussion ensued as to how the group tended toward stereotypes despite themselves, with acknowledgements given to the fact that a man may be nurturing without making a claim to some feminine side and a woman could be assertive without aligning to masculinity.

In contemplating human characteristics and traits with various groups through such exercises and discussion, it feels to me that those human attributes that belong to either, both or neither of the binary genders are perhaps most valued – wisdom, kindness, honesty, courage and truthfulness to name but five. I marvel then that those who embody something psychologically and/or physically beyond the binary can be regarded as lesser – since the traits we hold most dear tend generally to be located in similar zone.

Respecting the I

Would I if I could then re-label or de-label gender in an ideal world?

The answer is neither.

Personally I believe that whatever society deems appropriate in gender role or performance, and howsoever it names those genders, there will always be some for whom that pattern doesn’t fit. One of Greg Egan’s characters in “Distress”(1998) notes:

"Seven genders - all of them perceived as monolithic. Everyone stereotyped at a glance. Seven pigeon-holes instead of two isn't progress. "

I do not know exactly what gender is nor where it may be located.

I do know that whether one takes an essentialist perspective or favours constructivist narratives the concept of gender identity can be turned into a psychological knife with which to cut people who are different to the norm – and I believe that is wrong.

My own perception is that gender is akin to a multifaceted jewel acting as a lens on our perceptions of self and the world. It informs who we are - helping us to make sense of self and others in the world. If our lens is denied, we feel fundamentally shaken – because it is like taking away one of our primary senses.

Whether one defines in terms of masculinities, femininities, or something other, it is primarily important to feel valid and valued as a human being. Whatever one’s physicality, a large portion of one’s self worth accrues from being deemed a worthwhile person; whereas experiences that deem one less than most erode self worth and eventually become emotionally crippling.

Gender respect means accepting self definitions, and being prepared to learn people’s own words for their gender if the ones society provides are inadequate

Conclusion

If we view gender as a continuum, we are in danger of reinforcing hierarchies of greater or lesser than.

If we deconstruct the binary, we deny not only the cisgendered majority but also do a great deal of damage to those for whom those particular colours make sense. Holding respect for self definition does not necessitate abandoning pink and blue – it simply means accepting the existence and validity of more colours.

When a person truly experiences acceptance and valuing of his/hir/her humanity the possibility of futures can take place.

OII is about enabling the contemplation of possibilities and holding respect for the rainbow of genders that make human beings so beautiful.

Organisation Intersex International

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Gender Identity