Frequency of Transexuality
Definitions & Details
Legal Aspects of Gender Issues
GID Perspectives by George A. Rekers, Ph.D.
Info for Caregivers or Service Providers
Info for Clients seeking Caregivers
GRAND OVERVIEW:
Gender and Sex are very separate things, though the terms are often considered interchangeable by the less aware. Sex is physicalform and function while Gender is a component of identity. There can be considered to be some legitimate overlap in that the brain is structured in many sex-differentiated ways, and the brain is the seat of identity. However, with regard to the dilemma of the transsexual, the difference between sex and gender are at the very core of the issue.
A person with Gender Identity Disorder may be born to all appearance within a given physical sex, is aware of being of a gender opposite to that physical sex. This conflict, between gender identity and physical sex, is almost always manifest from earliest awareness, and is the cause of enormous suffering. It is common for transsexuals to be aware of their condition at preschool ages.
This agony can and does lead to self destruction unless treated. The incredible difficulties that surround achieving treatment are themselves often agonizing, the sum total of which can play havoc with the lives of the gender dysphoric. Indeed, it is apparent that some fifty percent of transsexuals die by age 30, usually by their own hand. This morbidity is known as the 50% Rule
Being one with Gender Identity Disorder is not something that can be ignored or suppressed forever. Unlike the fascinations of the cross dresser or the partially altered transgenderist, the absolute compulsion of classical transsexualism is a matter of life and death. Social oppression, culturally indoctrinated shame, self loathing, and bigotry slaughter transsexuals. With treatment and support, comes survival and a successful life. The success rate for the treatment of transsexuals is among the highest in medicine.
Gender Identity Disorder occurs roughly equally in both physical males and physical females, and is caused by factors (such as a critically timed hormonal release caused by stress in the mother, or by the presence of hormone mimicking chemicals present during critical development) which interfere with fetal development. Transsexuality occurs independently of sexual orientation, and occurs in humans and in other animals, such as apes, monkeys, dogs, cats, rats, and mice, among those studied.
The standard treatment for a diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder is to reassign the transsexual to a physical sex congruent with their gender identity, a process involving the administration of appropriate hormones and surgery. The success of this treatment is exceedingly high, and many go on to live successful lives.
AlthoughGender Identity Disorder is not the same thing as homosexuality, the two can sometimes occur in conjunction with each other, and there is evidence that both are created by the similar mechanisms, in utero.
Gender Identity Disorder or Transsexuality differs greatly from the commonly - and erroneously - associated terms "Cross dressing" or "Transvestitism", as well as "Transgenderism".
Where as Gender Identity Disorder is concerned primarily with gender identity and the correction of physical form to fit that identity, transvestitism is primarily a sexual fetish that occurs after puberty, and the transvestite has no desperation to redress a physical incongruity. The transvestite gains satisfaction from appearing as the opposite sex only, and the behavior is apparently not rooted in a biological, pre-natal basis, but is learned. Transvestitism, unlike transsexuality, primarily is the activity of males.
A recent term in usage is "Transgenderism", essentially an empty word conjured up as a neutral label for any individual not conforming to common social rules of gender expression. The term was created to help unite very disparate individuals under a vague commonality of interest in gender, in order to provide a basis for mutual benefit and support within an often violently antagonistic society.
Transgenderism can refer to those who cross dress, those who are intersexed, those who live in the opposite societal role of their physical sex, those who play with gender expression for any purpose whatsoever, and transsexuals as well. While there is potentially great survival benefit in this mutual association labeled as 'transgenderism', the primary function is social and political, and not clinical, despite the efforts of some to legitimize this essentially meaningless term.
The exact number of those with Gender Identity Disorder in any given population will probably never be accurately known (the best current estimate is one per 30,000). Because Gender Identity Disorder is most commonly caused by stress-related hormonal changes in the womb, the number of those with Gender Identity Disorder in any society would logically flux, based on the current state of affairs within a generation. There is evidence that more transsexuals are born during times during or following war, for instance. Even so, the condition is fairly rare.
Several interesting physical and mental indications have been statistically shown to occur in relation to transsexuality. One factor is intelligence, the transsexual is on average two standard deviations in intellect greater than the base population, and one standard deviation higher than those defined as homosexual. This probability of high intelligence is currently not explained, though there are suggestions that it may be the result of the unique and somewhat mixed brain 'wiring' of the transsexual, who may benefit from a combination of male and female structures or functions.
Another curious correlation is creativity, transsexuals tend to possess a high degree of artistic and general creative ability.
Those with Gender Identity Disorder commonly show some physical indications of their condition that may cause trouble for them from parents or peers. The male-to-female may be slow to develop male sex characteristics such as body hair, voice change, and overall physical development compared to the general population. The Female-to-Male may display evidence of masculinization of bone structure, hair, or voice. These traits are generally very subtle, but often present.
There is tremendous social bigotry -and often outright violence- expressed towards those with Gender Identity Disorder, and this often makes the life of the individual may be very difficult. Some who have completely successful in transition to the appropriate sex therefore choose varying degrees of secrecy about their state and history. Others never succeed in transforming physically to the point of being undetectable, and tend to suffer accordingly.
Those with Gender Identity Disorder suffer many hurdles to achieve their required correction of the error of their birth. They must face society, the medical establishment, the common loss of all family and friends, the cost of treatment, the extreme difficulty of the required 'half-way' phase of transition which may last up to two years, and the inner turmoil of self-doubt and conditioned self loathing of their condition. It has been estimated (in 1981) that about 50% do not survive the malady, ending up dead by the age of 30, usually by their own hand. Almost all of this morbidity is attributed to the additional burden caused by the violent unacceptance of society, the rejection of family and friends, and the inability to find decent care.
The drive that motivates the transsexual is essentially a matter of life and death.
IN A NUTSHELL: Those with Gender Identity Disorder or Transsexuals suffer because they are trapped in a body of the wrong sex. This hurts so much that they are driven to fix that problem, or die trying. Transsexuality begins in the womb and occurs in many animals besides man. Transsexuality and homosexuality seem to share a common prenatal causality, but are not the same thing. Transsexuality is sometimes associated with things it is not really related to, such as cross dressing, for social or political reasons.
The Natural History Of Gender Identity Disorder / Transsexuality:
Since Gender Identity Disorder / Transsexuality is caused by hormonal alteration of the nervous system of developing fetuses, and occurs in perhaps all mammalian species, it would be reasonable to infer that it has been around for a very long time. Indeed, since birth defects in general are just part of nature, it would be unthinkable to imagine an era of Man devoid of transsexuals. We have always been, and from time to time, history has recorded that fact.
The only clues we have of Paleolithic transsexuals would be by considering the societies of aboriginal peoples still living with stone age technologies. The few left remaining on the earth, in the rain forests of South America, or the remaining unspoiled lands of Africa, all have reverential positions for the transsexuals that are born to them. In such societies, Transsexuals are considered magical, kin to the gods or spirits, and possessed of shamanic powers.
Every society in history has had some name, role or way of relating to the transsexual, from ancient Canaan and Turkey to India, even to the present day.
Examples abound. For instance, in ancient Rome existed the 'Gallae', Phrygian worshipers of the Goddess Cybele. Once decided on their choice of gender and religion, physically male Gallae ran through the streets and threw their own severed genitalia into open
doorways, as a ritualistic act. The household receiving these remains considered them a great blessing. In return, the household would nurse the Gallae back to health. The Gallae then ceremoniously received female clothes, and assumed a female identity. Commonly, they woul be dressed as brides, or in other splendid clothing.
In India, ritual practices for transsexual individuals continue to the present day. Called Hijiras, this sect also worship a Goddess, and undergo a primitive sort of sex reassignment surgery. The Hijiras are treated in a rather hypocritical fashion within Indian society however, in that they are both despised and revered at the same time. Hijiras often are paid to attend a bless weddings, and to act as spiritual and social advisors, but are also shunned as less than worthy eunuchs. Yet in other circumstances, such as social situations, they are accorded the status of true females.
The Dine, or Navajos of the southwest United States, recognize three sexes instead of only two. For the Dine, there are Males, Females, and Nadles, which are considered somewhat both and neither. While those born intersexed or hermaphroditic are automatically considered Nadle, physically 'normal' individuals may define as Nadle based on their own self-definition of gender identity. The Nadle once possessed far greater respect before the Navaho were conquered and their culture all but obliterated by the forced assumption of Catholicism.
Among the Sioux, the Winkte served much the same function, and individuals could assume the complete role of their preferred gender. Physical females lived as male warriors, and had wives, while physical males lived their lives completely as women. In Sioux society no special magic was associated with this, it was just considered a way of correcting a mistake of nature. Winkte would also perform primitive reassignment operations of a sort, and history records the process used by physical males: riding for days on a special hard saddle to crush the testicles and thus effectively castrate the individual.
Being transsexual in ancient cultures took a special form of courage too, even if society may have been embracing of the Transsexed!
Whether it is the Sererr of the Pokots of Kenya, the Xaniths of Islamic Oman, the Mahu of Tahiti, or even the Sekrata of Madagascar, the story is essentially the same: transsexuality was a fact of life, and a place in society was made for the gender dysphoric to bethemselves.
The modern classification of transsexuality and the medical intervention of sex reassignment was first attempted in Germany in 1930. Einar Wegener sought treatment and was operated upon. Afterwards, she lived as Lily Elbe, but alas not for long...the surgery had tragic complications. The first well known, surviving post operative transsexual was American ex-G.I. George Jorgensen, who became Christine Jorgensen in 1953. Christine became the center of a whirlwind of publicity despite an effort to avoid it, and had little choice but to capitalize on the misfortune. Christine became the first 'Media Transsexual' - or as some transsexuals put it 'Transie Martyr' , and suffered both the benefit and curse of fame. Christine starred in several Hollywood movies as a result, and became celebrity enough to bring transsexualism out of the closet and into view of post-industrial society.
For decades only the rare individual physician dared treat the transsexual, while the mainstream medical community considered transsexuality to be a mere mental disorder without a biological basis. The first professional to truly try to help transsexuals with compassion and scientific study was Dr. Harry Benjamin. Dr. Benjamin carefully treated and studied the cases of transsexuals, essentially devoting most of his career to the project. The results of his carefully documented studies were published in 1966 in his book "The Transsexual Phenomenon". This work led directly to the benefits that we modern transsexuals enjoy, for it opened the door to serious study of the condition. Currently, the worldwide Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association continues his work, and helps to set standards of care for the treatment of transsexuals by the medical establishment.
Recent study of brain functioning has shed important light on the causes of transsexuality, and surgical techniques as well as overall treatment continue to improve. Society is slowly becoming accepting once again of the inevitable transsexual in it's midst, and it may well be that the future will hold even greater help for the transsexuals born into future ages.
IN A NUTSHELL: Transsexuals have always existed. In the ancient world, transsexuality was both accepted and respected. Throughout the ages, transsexuals have attempted to correct the error of their bodies, with varying results. The modern, technological world at last provides a real chanc for the transsexual to finally, truly correct the errors of Nature.
Reasons To Cherish Being Transsexual
Because being transsexual is often so hurtful, so filled with sadness and longing, with shame and loss and difficulty, it is easy to come to the conclusion that the whole thing is utterly a curse, perhaps inflicted by arcane and evil ancient gods.
Oh, probably.
But there is an upside too. Most human lives are utterly mundane, devoid of any real uniqueness the average person somnambulates through an existence devoted to filling the roles expected of them.
But to be a transsexual is a magical, wondrous thing.
Consider. We are given many gifts in compensation for the terrible loss of our childhood as ourselves, and for the pain we endure. We are by some as yet unknown mechanism statistically far more intelligent, as a class, than perhaps any other kind of people. We are almost universally more creative, and we often possess incredible levels of courage and self determination, demonstrated by our very survival, and ultimate attainment of our goal. We are rare as miracles, and in our own way, as magical, or so has been the belief of all ancient cultures on the earth.
We are given awareness that others would never experience, understanding of gender, of the human condition, of society and the roles and hidden rules unquestioned within it. We are given a window into the lives of both sexes, and cannot help but be, to some degree, beyond either. From this we have a rare opportunity: to choose our own life, outside predetermined and unquestioned definition or role. We can do new things, original things, only because our experience is so unique.
We get to be true shape shifters, and experience the sheer wonder of melty-wax flesh and a real rebirth into the world. Our brains and bodies gain benefit from having been bathed in and altered by the hormones of both sexes. We appear to retain our visible youthfulness where others wrinkle, and for years longer. We possess neural advantages from both sexes, such as the language advantages of the feminized brain, and the spatial abilities of the masculinized brain both. We are shocked into waking up, if we allow it, to a life we create for ourselves...we are not automatically doomed to sleepwalk through life.
After our transformations, after the full-moon lycanthropic miracle that the modern age affords us, we can live lives of success and love, and genuine specialness, if we choose. If we can get past our upbringing, past the programming, the bigotry, the messages of disgust from the culture around us, if we can stand as ourselves in freedom, then our special gifts grant us a heritage of wondrous power.
We have a proud and marvelous history. In ancient days we were magic incarnate. We were Nadle, Winkte, Two-Souls, Shamans and healers and magical beings to our communities. We possessed the ability to give the blessings of the gods and spirits, and were prized as companions, lovers, and teachers.
We were the prize gift of ancient tribes, entertainers, designers and dreamers. Sometimes we were the -somewhat reluctant- rulers of empires, and the consorts of emperors. We were champions and warriors too, who were feared for our unique gifts turned to inevitable victory.
Know that it is only in recent centuries, with the rise of the single minded, monolithic and monotheistic desert religions, filled with harsh single gods and twisted, narrow morals, that our kind have become reviled, the objects of scorn. Once, we were the kin of thegods.
To be transsexual is not easy, and it is not a birth that could be envied, but neither is it a damnation. It was once considered a rare wonder, if a mixed one; a faery gift that cuts as it blesses.
And in the modern age, of hormones and surgery, we are the first generations of our kind to finally know the joy of complete transformation, of truly gaining our rightful bodies. No other transsexuals in history have been so fortunate.
I say that we are unicorns, rare and wondrous, with still a touch of ancient magic and the kinship of the gods. Though it is agony, beyond the fire we have the opportunity to become alchemic gold.
We have much to add to the world, and to give to ourselves and those who love us.
We have always been, we are still the prize of the tribe, for only the world around us has changed, the desert harshness branding us vile. We are still the same.
Our compensations are real, and our lives are special; we have but to grasp the gifts born of our sufferings.
When I look around me at the mundane lives, there are times I think that maybe I am glad I was born transsexual, for I would never have been what I have become without that curse. I cannot help but be grateful for my uniqueness, so I am brought to a strange revelation:
Deep down, I cherish having been born a transsexual.
Be a unicorn with me, and cherish it too.
Why Did This Have To Happen To ME?
An exceedingly common and very poignant question, usually spoken rhetorically, as the result of having to endure a great hardship.
There is no rational way to perceive transsexuality except as a predicament, and one that in our age still is filled with much difficulty in addition to the pain it causes of itself.
Knowing the cause of transsexuality is only slight comfort, the fact remains that it hurts like hell until it is remedied, and that much must be endured. Even after remedy, there is no total peace, as the loss of years of desired experiences can never be remitted, and the experience and actuality of being transsexual forever sets one apart from all who never have known gender dysphoria.
The reason for our having to endure such a thing would seem the same reason that folks must endure any biological hardship, for being born with any imaginable deformity or medical condition; no reason at all. It happens because Nature is not perfect, She is a vast and living machine, and She is sloppy, messy, and sometimes mistakes occur. However, it is the mistakes that lead to evolutionary benefit, and sometimes that benefit is not easily determined in a cursory examination, for it can be subtle.
I wish to propose to you an intriguing theory, which I submit for your consideration. As we have learned in the "What Is Transsexuality"
section, transsexuals have many curious statistical advantages over the base population. Transsexuals are generally far more intelligent and creative than the general population, and possess brain structures from both sexes. Transsexuals cannot help but see the world uniquely, and as a being perceives and reasons, so they also may act.
Imagine our human species from a high, utterly cold, and godlike perspective, watching it only as an animal upon the earth, and consider that which might benefit it. In primates, such as the Bonobo chimpanzee, homosexuality helps to bond both males and females with members of their own troop, reducing inter-group competition and aggression. I suggest that transsexuality serves a useful purpose in the scheme of things as well.
Consider the benefit to the animal human, to possess the capacity to produce the occasional individual that, while perhaps not contributing to the gene pool commonly, instead contributes socially, just like homosexuality does in primates. The value of a human with generally superior intellect and creative abilities, curiosity and drive to match, a brain capable of intersexed functioning - and thus an unusual viewpoint - with the additional benefit of being a reproductive dead end...and thus expendable biologically... cannot be underestimated.
Since we have learned that transsexualiity can be caused by - among other things - stress affecting pregnancy, it is tempting to consider that there is survival benefit in transsexuality.
A population of highly stressed and struggling paleolithic humans, perhaps at some great impasse, might well be saved by the cross-hormonally induced birth of transsexual members. A hyper intelligent and creative disposable personage would be the most likely to try new things, even highly dangerous things, things that no ordinary individual would think to try. The tormented transsexual would have less to lose, and be less of a loss to the gene pool if the new idea had fatal results. Ultimately, the transsexual would be very likely to find a solution, a way, that would otherwise be missed.
I suggest that transsexuality is a natural function, a way for human animals to produce a subset of their population effectively suited to discovering new and useful survival options, with minimal loss to the genetic pool overall.
In effect, the transsexual is Nature's Little Wild Card. The disposable enhanced Survival Scout, who tends to be generated in proportion to the overall stress the population endures, and which serves a valuable function in the scheme of basic animal survival. Transsexuals are the Hyper-Homosexuals, the guardian angels of the primate world. They not only function as homosexuals do for social bonding, but go a great step further...finding new ways that no others are constructed to find.
Admittedly, it is a cold and mechanical value, but then I asked the reader to consider it from the Blind Watchmaker's position, the dispassionate and living machinery of Nature.
I submit, that from the position of pure survival, of cold hard reality, that gender Dysphoria may well be a useful evolutionary development...a "deliberate" (as though Nature had the faculty of choice!) mistake that can serve a vital function for the survival of the Whole, with no concern whatsoever for the agony of the individual.
There can be found a gentle nobility in being an Evolutionary Angel, an emergency Wild Card. Who know how many catastrophes the paleolithic transsexual may have averted?
Perhaps it is no random thing that all early societies revered the transsexual, and made place for and wonder of them. The closer to the struggle for survival, the more aware of what is valuable and what is not....at least for those who are consistent survivors.
So Why Me? Perhaps it is not just bad luck. I suggest the existence of transsexuality serves a real value to any social species.
If this theory has value, it would help to explain the existence of transsexualism in non-primate species, such as rats, dogs, wolves, and the like.
What can I do about this? Is there hope for me?
Yes, there is. Indeed, there are a multitude of options open to you, and in certain ways you can consider yourself spoilt for choices. The real issue is making certain you truly know what you want. Once you know that, I assure you that you can actually, truly achieve it....depending on a few factors which I will explain.
For the classic, 'true' transsexual, such as your author, the future is very clean cut and straightforward. If you are less defined, if you are unsure or unclear, if your issues are not beyond question, then the multitude of choices become worth examination. Let us take this step by step.
THE CLASSIC TRANSSEXUAL
A classic, or 'true' transsexual follows a fairly predictable pattern, with a rather predictable and common life story. The basic cookie cutter version is easily summarized.
The classic transsexual is aware of gender conflict at a very early stage in life, usually somewhere around the age of five. The gender issue causes problems throughout life, because the transsexual cannot entirely suppress or deny the truth of their identity altogether, despite social pressure to do so. As time goes on, the agony of gender Dysphoria, and a life of misery and self-denial, becomes unendurable and something must be done about it, either to correct it, or to permanently stop the suffering. For the latter group, the answer is too commonly suicide, but for the former, the answer is very standardized: hormones, followed usually by surgery.
How does one do this? One finds a doctor and does it. If the doctor is not right, one finds another. That is what one does.
The age of desperation and action commonly begins in early adulthood, when the transsexual is finally confronted with the inevitability of their misery being permanent, or as soon as a degree of independence from family is achieved that would permit transition to the proper sex. This expression of transsexuality is sometimes called 'Early Onset Transsexualism'.
Sometimes the suffering transsexual is totally hopeless, without enough information or understanding, or trapped by choices and is also unable to face suicide. The result is a massive purge and redoubled effort to conform, and the transsexual enters a stage of denial and repression that can last years...even decades. At some point, generally as the transsexual approaches middle life and the spectre of eventual mortality becomes real, as balding sets in and youth is lost, the repression abruptly ends and a mad scramble to make up for lost time and life ensues. Families are disrupted and all the carefully built up facade of normality is commonly thrown into chaos, as the aging transsexual rallies against cruel time and the misery of decades of lost years. The solutions are essentially the same as for the 'Early Onset' transsexual, only later in life, and with consequently far more complications. This expression of transsexuality is sometimes referred to as 'Late Onset Transsexualism'.
THE BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOMES
The very best situation is to know clearly what you want as early in life as possible, and to take definite, strong action as soon as feasible, possible, and safe. The sooner that transition is begun, the better the result overall. This is because it takes time for the body to completely masculinize or feminize, and the younger a person is, the closer to androgyny, and the more changeable is the flesh. By approximately age 18, the effect of applied hormones to alter sex begins to diminish, by around age 25 the effect become half of what it was at 18, by age 30, the ability of the body to respond to hormones, as well as the acceptability of the result can drop to one fourth. After age 30, there is little effective difference over time, as the body has become fully mature, and there is no longer any special 'youth benefit' to assist transition.
This does not mean that the older transsexual cannot succeed in becoming a socially acceptable and ultimately comfortable member of the sex they were meant to be, but it does mean that the chances of being truly passable, attractive, and content are significantly less. This must be qualified by the direction of transformation, as Male-To-Female transsexuals suffer more at the hands of time than do Female-To-Male transsexuals.
DIRECTION OF TRANSITION AND SUCCESS
Put simply, the Female-To-Male transsexual tends to succeed cosmetically far better overall than the Male-To-Female transsexual at almost any age after 18. For the Male-to-Female, surgery is far better and the genital results more satisfactory, and for the Female-To-Male, the surgical results are generally quite poor. The reason for this is intrinsic to our fetal development.
All human fetuses start out as a quasi-female creature. The base human state is essentially a stock female form with incompletely differentiated ovaries. Both genetically male and female babies start this way, with proto-ovaries and a proto-vagina and labia.
Within short order, an influx of sex hormones switches on genes that begin to alter the stock female human form. For the genetic female, the stock form is further refined, as the proto-ovaries complete their formation, and the other sexual organs develop further as they already are. Thus is a girl constructed.
For the genetic male baby, male sex hormones begin an astounding and dramatic mutation of the base human form. The proto-ovaries drop down through the body cavity and become enclosed by the labia, which seal around them. This sealing together of the labia causes the distinctive ridge of skin that runs down the center of the testicle sac, that seam is the sealed labia. The internal body cavity also seals shut behind the proto-ovaries separating them (shy of a hernia!) forever from the body proper. Hormonal changes alter the proto-ovaries, and cause them to change their function to that of testes.
The clitoris grows and lengthens, deforming itself to massive proportion, even as the urethra is enclosed within it, becoming the penis. The tiny hymen is lost forever, sealed away inside the male body, in a eighth inch liquid filled pocket tucked just under the bladder, the last remaining part of the now absent proto-vagina.
Along with these changes are also changes made to the construction of the brain and nervous system, which occur in short, rapid spurts, influenced by hormones. If something should interfere with which hormones flood the developing child at these critical moments, the result is in mildform homosexuality, and in extreme form, transsexuality.
After birth, the body of either sex continues to form into full adult sexual differentiation, reaching completion of the process around age 30.
With the understanding that masculinity is a mutation of the basic proto-female human form, it becomes easy to comprehend why the Female-To-Male transsexual generally has a more cosmetically acceptable transition at any given age. It is easier to mutate a base form, than to reverse the mutation once it has already occurred.
Clearly, the younger -and thus the less solidified the mutation- the better the intervention and correction will be.
The Female-To-Male transsexual can look forward to a voice that will drop in pitch as the throat responds to male hormones, but the Male-To-Female transsexual cannot hope for a rise in pitch: the mutation can never be undone once it has occurred. Likewise, facial and body hair are permanent and can only be removed by physical effort, such as electrolysis. Breasts are permanent, and must be removed by surgery once grown.
Even so, there is much that hormones can do, more dramatically the younger they are applied.
Hormones alter the distribution of fat in the body, of muscle tissue, and alter the basic chemistry of the brain, affecting perception and function. Hormones change the texture and composition of the skin, activate the growth of structures such as breasts, hair and vocal changes (for the Female-To-Male), and affect the overall chemistry of the body in total.
But for large scale fundamental structures, only surgery will suffice. Bones are permanent once formed, as are sex organs. To have proper genitals, the transsexual must undergo sex reassignment surgery. Again, while rather unsatisfactory for the Female-To-Male transsexual, surgery is often undetectable in the Male-To-Female transsexual, even by trained medical professionals.
THE 'TRANSGENDERED' INDIVIDUAL
There are those who are not driven to complete a full sex reassignment to fit an easily defined, polarized gender. It should be understood that gender is NOT a simple Male and Female polarity. In actuality, gender is a continuum, a spectrum between the poles of male and female, with an infinite number of possible states of being in between. Even the most polarized individual still contains elements of the 'opposite' gender within their construction and expression. No human is ever completely male or completely female.
Some individuals are compelled by transsexual motivations, by a need for a different or even expanded gender expression, and this drive may need to be manifested physically as well. Such persons commonly identify as 'Transgendered', a new term which is questionable in definition, but useful in practice.
A transgendered individual may choose to partially undergo transition only, enjoying a 'half-way' or 'alternative' gender expression. Here too, the use of hormones, or even limited surgery, can bring happiness and contentment.
There is no requirement to become absolutely male, or absolutely female.
As always, though, the best course of action is to determine clearly exactly what you want, as soon as possible, and take definite and immediate action. Biology waits for no soul, and doing nothing is as much a choice as taking matters into one's own hands. The body will do what it is programmed to do, unless a person takes control.
WHY YOU NEED TO BE ABSOLUTELY SURE
While there is no question that early intervention is of supreme benefit to the transsexual -and the earlier the better- it is often tantamount to suicide to make an error of judgment in the matter of sex reassignment, whatever the degree of alteration. For this reason, careful filters have been created, such as the Benjamin Standards Of Care, to help prevent the occurrence of hideous mistakes. Even so, there are always a few souls, and the suggestion is that the number is large, who use their special gifts to get around the system. Rarely, this results in the partial or total destruction of a life. The blame for such a mistake is squarely on the head of the person seekingreassignment, though some, in their pathos and degradation, attempt to sue or harass the very individuals that gave them what they themselves demanded. There is no bottom to which some humans cannot sink, in their attempt to avoid responsibility for themselves.
It is self responsibility that is the key issue here! There is currently no sure test, no absolute method of determining the gender orientation of any person. While gender issues are deadly serious, they are also exceedingly subjective, and the physicians that have the courage to care for the transsexual or the transgendered must act from a position of acceptance of the claims of the patient. The full burden of responsibility MUST fall only upon the transsexual or transgendered person, for there is no realistic way for any other person to truly know what is best to do for them.
For this reason, it is mandatory that the person with gender issues take total responsibility for their own life. It is required that YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE. You must define YOURSELF, and you must do so honestly.
The penalty that nature, that reality itself inflicts on the casual, the unwary, the unconcerned and the foolish is ABSOLUTE. Sex reassignment is absolutely ONE WAY ONLY, and attempts to reverse the procedure after completion are sad at best. The bottom line is very simple.
YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE TO CHANGE YOUR SEX
If you make a mistake, if you screw up, if you are wrong, you HAVE to live with the consequences, and no matter what you may feel about it, it could ONLY have been your own choice, it is utterly your OWN RESPONSIBILITY. There is no one else to rationally blame.
This means, of course, that the person who is not entirely sure of what they are is in a special, terrible hell. Time is quickly ticking away their easily mutable youth, and changing them in one direction or another whether they like it or not, and if they act wrongly to solve their misery, they could end up FAR worse off.
Therefore one must act more quickly to come to a better understanding of one's true identity, to come to self understanding, than almost any human being. It is a tall order. The question, is how to do this.
There are many resources for this process, from counselors and therapists to friends and even occasionally family. Nothing can replace the only real method, being willing to face one's own true feelings, which with or without guidance, is a solitary pursuit. You must make the effort to try to face yourself, and NEVER GIVE UP. Only you can ever really know you...though others can often act as mirrors if you are too close to your issues to see them directly. The key to success in self knowledge is to pursue it. Those enslaved to denial and avoidance, who put off and procrastinate, are the souls destined for doom. If you have gender issues that hurt badly enough that they need to be addressed, then you must confront them. Talk about them to those you trust, hang on, pursue, learn, study and focus until you finally can decide who you are and what you want. Putting it off will only make things vastly worse. It is hard work, it is not easy, and it hurts to do this. But remember, it hurts anyway, or you would not be driven by your gender issues. That pain will likely only get worse as the years progress. Regret is terrible, whether for lost time, or for making the wrong choice.
THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR KNOWING YOURSELF
The bottom line here is that to figure out what you truly want, you have to stop repressing, denying and hiding, and come Out to yourself. You have to be emotionally willing to accept whatever you may turn out to be. If you do not know what you want, it is because you are disassociated from your own feelings, as a defense mechanism. The only solution is to overcome that which made you deny your feelings. That is done by examining your attitudes and beliefs, questioning them, and dropping the ones that cause you to feel like disassociation is a safe thing. Perhaps you may have internalized homophobia, or religious intolerance of your own condition, or a scolding parental program running in the back of your mind, or fear of rejection, or just plain do not want to face the inevitable pain of dealing with things. Whatever is the cause (or causes, more likely), you must find it and dispose of it. When that is done, then you must start to really feel what you are, want and need.
HALFWAY MEASURES: THINGS YOU CAN DO TO TEST YOURSELF
One excellent way to learn is not theoretical, it is by hands on experience. In the circumstance of discovering gender identity, a supreme tactic is to experiment.
The best experiments would ideally be nonfatal, non-permanent and very revealing. Perhaps the single most effective tool for self knowledge of gender identity, is to experiment with hormones.
To much of the medical establishment this is a bold, or at worst, a precipitous thing to suggest. It is not without some risk, but the risk is fairly small, short term.
Go on hormones for up to six months.
Beyond six months, the effects of hormone therapy start to become permanent, with eight months being the edge of going too far. Within six months, almost all effects, at least of estrogens, are reversible over time. It should be noted that for Female-To-Male transsexuals, testosterone changes are not reversible at all.
Hormone therapy is very revealing. The test procedure very simple. If after several months, you love and prefer how you feel, think and are, then you are probably on the right track, indications are suggestive that this is right for you. If you really don't like how you feel, think and are, if it makes you uncomfortable, disturbed and uneasy, then this is a direct indication that changing your sex is not the best choice.
Hormones affect almost every aspect of your functioning, and simply by noting if the experience is good or bad, you should get some idea of what you really want. Remember though, that what you want could be anything, even some comfortable place Other than Male or Female, so keep an open mind.
Simply quit when you choose. Take responsibility for this.
A less biological test is to simply live in your chosen gender role for a given time. This is often hard to arrange, but a vacation or time off, or other retreat can provide the space to experiment. If you are brave enough, or passable enough to do so openly, then do so.
If it is awful, it is not right. If it is good, it is.
THE THINGS I DID
Things that helped me to know myself included the horrifying realization that I was gradually developing adult sex characteristics, the careful use of psychoactives to destroy my inner inhibitions and barriers, direct life-or-death confrontation with my problem, and on a more gentle side, the effects of movies and stories.
I paid attention to the things that made me cry and feel powerful emotions and used those to help me uncover my own repressed desires. By pursuing my own obsessions and fascinations, while at the same time making sure that I observed my own feelings while doing them, I gradually broke down my own internal barriers. I experimented with my issues and made note of what made me the happiest. I kept a diary and used it to total up my own actions to gain a perspective over time. I sought out the stories and ideas of others who had already done what I imagined I wanted to do.
But in the end, I dared to take total responsibility for my own life, made a choice, and resolved to accept the consequences with honor and courage. Ultimately, that is all you can ever do.
Transsexual and Transgendered people can and do live happy, rewarding lives, all the better for having faced their own issues and winning through.
I know, because I have done so, and so have my many successful transsexual and transgendered friends.
Of course you can, too. You just have to be willing to be courageous, responsible, and intelligent. Gambatte !
WHY YOU DON'T WANT TO BE A WOMAN OR A MAN
A provocative little look at the REAL reason you are going through transition
"I just want to be an ordinary woman" cries out the Male-To-Female transsexual. "I wish I had just been born a man in the first place!" storms the Female-To-Male Transsexual.
These are common enough statements. I too have said both of them, properly gendered to fit me of course, and felt them to be the absolute truth. And in a part of my heart, they are.
But the experience of 16+ years has allowed me to learn and grow enough to see a few things that I could not entirely see, back duringmy transition. And the biggest lesson I have learned, is the real reason for going through the perilous journey of transition - and it is not to be a woman or a man.
Curious statement? Let me explain.
Being a 'Woman' or a 'Man' is more complex than you may realize. The simple words convey a very great amount of information. To say that someone is a 'Woman' not only defines a physical sex, but also suggests a companioning gender identity, a common set of behavior traits related to both, and... a socially created role as well.
One of the first things that the very young transsexual finds is that the natural behaviors that they express just being in the world, are not accepted by those around them. In every way, in every action, there are expectations that conflict with natural expression. The penalties for failing to meet these expectations can be very harsh, and so the young transsexual most often picks up on this and finds ways to adjust or act that reduce suffering.
This means that the young transsexual soon learns to become affected in behavior, to become unnatural. They try very hard to conform, to fit the expectations given them, so as not to be caused hurt. It does not take many years of this, before understanding of what is natural behavior and what is affected behavior, is lost or compromised.
When the transsexual reaches a time where something must and can be done about their gender issues, there is often a great deal of separation from both life, and true self going on. The best the lost soul can do is to grasp at the nearest ideal or form of the original suppressed self. The transsexual identifies with and seeks to emulate the desired gender role, just as they emulated an uncomfortable one.
Gender roles are very elaborate and structured. They contain virtually complete scripts, complex expectations, that cover every aspectof life, from little matters such as walking or sitting, to large matters, such as choice of career or options for lifestyle.
Lost to their core selves after years of self suppression, the closest artificial role to that sought after self becomes overwhelmingly desirable. But the transsexual will usually learn, after several years, that this too, is not entirely right. Much better than before, but still confining.
This is a state not limited to transsexuals. Gender roles are always limiting for the simple reason that they are scripts, artificial stereotypes based on averages rather than true self expression.
When I went through transition, I thought at first that I wanted to be a Traditional Woman, or some variation on the concept, a mother, a wife, a proper fit to the social role. Within months, for me at least, this started to chafe, and by the time of my surgery, I was angry at the entire concept. Few transsexuals realize the concept of role and their limits so quickly, and they suffer accordingly.
What I grasped so early was that the reason I was going through transition was not so that I could be a "Woman". I had no desire to conform to an artificial role of any sort whatsoever. I realized that trading one narrow set of expectations for another set of narrow expectations - even if that new set was closer to my core self - would not make me happy. I would be less unhappy, but still miserable, in the conventional and limited role of a woman in society.
The reason I was transitioning, was not to become a woman, it was to become myself - whatever that actually turned out to mean.
The hormones definitely gave me a body that pleased me, that 'felt right', a chemistry and perception that made me feel comfortable for the first time. Surgery finally gave me the genitalia that conformed to my own inner feeling of how I should be shaped. No longer did I feel deformed, but instead finally felt healed.
But I quickly found that I did not want to be limited by any expectations of how or what I wa supposed to be. I wanted no part of the role that society uses to define being a 'Woman'.
I reasoned it thus: If transsexuality is a real thing, and if it is caused by innate gender differences in the brain, then it has nothing whatsoever to do with social roles. Social roles must be derived from natural expressions of average behavior, turned into stereotypes. These stereotypes become rigid expectations.
If I truly had a female brain, then I would naturally already be a woman, and the adoption of any social role would equivalent to acting out an affected performance. Much of my suffering had derived from feeling forced to perform an artificial role. The only path to enduring happiness would come from being myself. If my brain was truly as female as I believed, then my natural behavior, my unaffected self, would make that obvious. If my brain was something else, it did not matter, what mattered was that I would be free.
Surgery and hormones did serve me well. They gave me contentment and peace of mind. They made me feel good, and feel physically and mentally healed. There is no other reason to do either. Surgery and hormones will not make anyone into a 'man' or a 'woman'. What they can do is to alter shape, perception, chemistry, and flesh to a form that the transsexual can live with comfortably. Really being a man or a woman can only come from expressing one's true self, naturally.
What I learned is that the reason to go through transition is definitely not to be a definable, labeled thing, such as a 'Man' or a 'Woman'.
The reason to go through transition is to be able to be content with the flesh that we wear, so that we can concentrate on being changing, dynamic, unique individual expression of our heartfelt selves.
Whatever that mysterious self may turn out to be.
I have learned that no other path leads to enduring happiness.
Understand this.
Coming OUT
In which is explained some of the reasons anyone would want - or need - to come out of the closet.
"Why do you have to tell anyone about whether or not you are gay" is a question put to many homosexuals "Can't you just keep your mouth shut - nobody would even be able to tell you were queer! Why rub our noses in what you do in bed?"
My mother once asked me "Why can't you just be Gay? then nobody would have to even know!"
Why would anyone ever need to come out, to reveal that they were Queer, whether being Gay, or even Gender Queer, such as the transsexual? Why not stay in the closet, and avoid any difficulty? Why tell? Why not just keep silent? Let me explain why.
The true, heartfelt value of Coming Out is not a lot of things that many people seem to think it is. At the deepest level, Coming Out is not about being part of a community of other queers, it is not about political change or theory, it is not about rubbing anyone's nose in metaphoric do-do.
Coming Out is a matter of personal validation.
Our culture still puts a lot of energy into hatred and damnation of difference in general, and being queer in particular. From grade chool on, the constant use of terms like 'fag' and 'lesbo' and 'sex change' as curses and disparagement inflicts and instills a deep set shame in almost everyone. This subtle and pervasive bigotry is quickly escalated to actual violence or discrimination that occurs on a daily basis that can affect almost every aspect of life.
Within such a toxic environment of both overt and covert condemnation, the queer individual is constantly under psychological and emotional attack.
This attack easily - and early in life - becomes internalized to varying degrees. Not only is the queer individual buffeted by storms of hatred outside, but soon becomes infected with hatred from the inside. Self worth becomes replaced with varying degrees of shame and even self loathing. Inevitably this leads to suffering, and even self destruction.
A vicious circle is created, one that derives from cultural pressure, and is sustained by internal judgment. The queer person hides to avoid pain and shame. The pain and shame become internalized as the cultural messages that cause it become part of the individual. Constant hiding implies the need to hide, and that need is based on the fear of rejection and harm. The individual, alone against society, finds it difficult to entirely reject the basis of the hatred of so many, and a resulting self condemnation abets the impulse to hide. In turn, the act of hiding reinforces the internalized self condemnation, and so it goes, round and round.
To Come Out, is to stop hiding, and to break that vicious circle of self loathing.
We live in a culture focused on family and friends, on human interaction. The basis of most everyday communication is about our lives and our relationships. The closeted individual must either lie about their lives, or must fall silent and otherwise avoid basic human communication.
Over time, this causes multiple levels of suffering. To feel unable to express the joy of a happy day with a loved one, or to tell a funny story about one's life, or to share wisdom gained, is to be made mute. Such self censorship destroys the soul, and leads to withdrawal and depression.
When a person dares to Come Out, it is not about broadcasting the wonders of being gay, or of being transgendered, it is simply making a stand against the constant minimization and obliteration of their existence. To be Out is to claim the basic human feelings of dignity, self worth and the freedom to speak, to share, to be. The ability to communicate about one's own life in an honest and real manner, devoid of lies or subterfuge, without fear of discovery or embarrassment, just like any other person, is the deepest reason to Come Out.
The reason this site exists is because your author decided she was sick of forever being mute. The pain of having to fall silent, to hide, to change a subject to avoid accidental discovery, the constant terror that anyone should find out my awful secret, became too much to bear. I was living like a phantom, hiding invisibly in the shadows and margins of society.
Basic to that behavior, is the concept that my 'secret' was in fact 'awful'. Why? Why should it be so awful to be a transsexual? Why should it be so embarrassing, so shameful?
It is true that much of our society has a serious problem with the condition. There are those who feel fatal levels of hatred toward transsexuality, who care nothing about understanding it, or the suffering of its victims. There are narrow souls that refuse to accept the validity of the plight of the transsexual, or who would just as soon see all transsexuals dead.
There are some potential nasty consequences for the public transsexual, just as there is for the public queer of any stripe.
But perhaps even more so for the transgendered, because the issue of gender is so important to people. Gender is part of self definition, and intrinsic to the constancy of the world view of many people. Certain that the sun will come up tomorrow, many people also hold sex and gender to be equally absolute. The transsexual calls into question the absoluteness of a fundamental part of reality itself. For those with a weak grasp of reality, this becomes deeply disturbing. The world is not lacking for those with such a weak grasp.
Even so, even with the possible dangers, there comes a point where hiding, where cowering to avoid the expected disdain of nameless 'others' becomes unendurable. To achieve a solid self worth it sometimes becomes necessary to be open about that self, to simply refuse to be silenced any longer. In order to feel good about my self, I needed to claim the same freedom that most humans take for granted, the freedom to simply exist, as myself, openly.
Coming Out serves to break the circle of torment and self condemnation. It destroys the act of hiding behind lies, and with it the implication that such behavior is preferable to honesty. It is the supreme act of a person who refuses to be damned, and who stands up as an individual with the basic natural right to exist.
Coming Out is freedom from enslavement and oppression. It is not easy. It can have consequences. But it sometimes must be done, to stop internalized self loathing, to achieve self acceptance.
It is not always safe or prudent to Come Out in all circumstances. It is not always wise to be completely open. Sometimes the only rational thing to do is to be invisible, especially for the much maligned transsexual. No one should ever be forced to be Out, just as no one should be forced to hide. But sometimes, sometimes, just to know peace and contentment of self, it becomes useful and important to be Out.
The bottom line of Coming Out is to be alive in the world.
Sixteen Years Into Your Future
Joy, Regret, and the ultimate outcome of being post-op
I am 16 years post-operative. You may be wondering what a person that far in the future feels about having gone through transition. Was it worth it? Are there regrets? What turned out to be the most important part of it all? I offer you my feelings on this topic, so that you might have an idea of what it is like, further down the stream of time.
THE SAD STUFF
Let's face it, the big question about any planned endeavor is "what might I regret", or "What is the worst possible thing". Let's address this right up front. Sixteen years after transition; what hurts?
The single biggest sadness for me involves my childhood. I am keenly aware that I have been denied a childhood as a girl. I have not had the experiences, the traumas, the joys and the socialization that 'normal' girls take for granted. I will never know what it is like to go to school as a girl, get my first period, have childhood friends relate to me as a girl. I will never have memories of pretty dresses, or playing dolls. (well, other than the few times I snuck in such guilty joys, sometimes suffering punishment for them.)
I sometimes feel like an artificial 'Replicant' from the brilliant film 'Blade Runner'; collecting (mental) photographs of a past I never had. I curse myself for not having expressed my gender far more obviously at a young age...even though I know that doing so would have resulted in more than just the violence I endured..I would likely have been killed. Impossible yearnings for a past stolen from me do occasionally haunt me.
I also sometimes cry because I know I will never be able to have a child. I will never have a daughter, I will never suckle a child. I have fully functional breasts, but I will never be permitted to have them serve their biological function, I will never know that experience. Adoption, except by direct and somewhat covert means, is not allowed to the transsexual. I will never be a mother.
Indeed, it is best for me to stay as far away from the children of any person as possible, because my past makes me an instant target of bigotry. What greater horror to any mother than to have one of those perverted, sick, transsexual freaks around, corrupting their children? To save myself from unfounded accusation and persecution, from prejudice and intolerance, I can never dare to work in a Day Care, become a grade school teacher, or do any of the other jobs that childless non-transsexual women may choose to overcome their sorrow.
PASSING PROBLEMS
My own problem is, you might think oddly, that I 'pass' too perfectly. The holy grail of transsexuals is a double edged sword. Oh, without question it is preferable in every way, much as being vastly wealthy is preferable in every way over poverty, but there are hidden sorrows, within it.
The reason for the creation of this site is based on one of these sorrows. I found that, perfectly accepted by neighbors, I was included naturally as a woman in their lives. This was wonderful, until topics of discussion turned to matters of growing up, of childhood, or of biological functioning and sex. Here, I had to fall mute. I am hopeless at the basic human skill of lying, so making up a false history was not an option. Additionally, lacking real knowledge, it would be easy for me to be caught. I was forever forced to fall silent, made eager to try to change the subject. It was my last recourse to just nod and force the odd empty laugh when other women spoke of their first date, or first period, or childhood toys, or basic life experiences. Sometimes it was hard to hold back tears at what I had missed. Such situations make me feel alien, outside, passing for human. Excluded from life.
At first I could tolerate this difficult situation. But as the years progressed, it became increasingly impossible to bear. If women friends spoke of the differences between men and women, I writhed inside myself...for what they speculated about, I actually knew for certain, first hand. I had been a kind of spy in the camp of the men for almost two decades, and my transition and life had taught me directly the differences as they relate to being a woman. Such knowledge as they could only ponder, I actually knew, but had to stay mute about. If I were to offer the slightest particle of wisdom, it might raise suspicion, certainly speaking would raise eyebrows...how could anyone know such things?
Passing perfectly can mean living in fear of being found out. It can mean hiding and covering up. It means keeping a secret. Some people find this easy, I find it painful. For me, passing perfectly and staying hidden very often means having to keep carefully guarded my greatest achievement, my most difficult adventure, the barely survived fountainhead of much of my wisdom. It means censoring my life, and to some degree my very identity.
Was not the reason I went through transition to be free? To be able to be myself without hiding? And now I find myself hiding again, for a similar reason...something about myself too terrible to admit.
Of course, being Out is bad too...for it can change how one is related to. As an unquestioned woman, I must be mute, stifled, silent, but I am accepted and no one considers me as alien. As a transsexual woman, there can be a kind of taint, an uneasy feeling in the air that I am different, that I am not 'really' a woman, that I do not entirely belong. Yet the only real thing that has changed in both cases, is the name, the label I am given. I act, express, and am the same in both scenarios...but prejudice and fear make the existence of my personal truth change how I am related to. One word changes me from ordinary woman to alien, yet I am still the same.
So the bad stuff about being sixteen years post-operative includes the fact that I forever feel cheated of the things that I have been denied by life, and that I must face an evil choice between a secretive, mute acceptance, or a fully alive exclusion.
THE HAPPY STUFF
Going through transition was one of the grandest adventures of my life. It was the most intelligent, positive, self beneficial thing I have ever done. I would certainly be dead before my current age of 38 without it. The benefits are almost innumerable. Indeed, I wish I could have done it sooner than I did. (alas, another, impossible, regret!)
My body finally feels correct. I love the contours of my form, the softness and delicacy of my skin, the biochemical 'feel' of my body and mind.
I love how my emotions are affected and released by the influence of estrogen. It is wonderful to be actually able to freely cry, laugh, feel gladness and sorrow fully, to have my emotions unchained. I can cry at movies, I can cry in joy, not just at trauma. I can laugh freely, I can giggle, I can sing.
Without question, the ability to feel 'correct' and the ability to freely emote, to be myself completely, is the greatest joy. It is beyond words, it is transcendent, sublime. Be it my flesh or my expression in the world, transition was worth every tear, every horror.
I am grateful that I can wear what I want, move as I wish, behave in a natural and unaffected way, and fear no violence. Indeed, the more relaxed and natural I am, the more accepted I am. If I am found curious, it is when I am nervous and unconsciously start affecting the robotic, stoic behavior that I once used to mask my lack of masculinity.
I am now rewarded, not beaten, for being myself. This alone is a treasure beyond compare.
But the second greatest joy is in my personal relationships. There is a multiverse of difference between the interpersonal dynamics of a man and another man, a man and a woman, and two women together. Everything about those experiences is unique and different. For me, nothing could possibly be better than to be a woman, relating to others. This is the other treasure of transition, beyond the basic need to correct nature's mistake.
To be able to relate to another person as myself, not as a role, not as an affectation, is supreme. The emotional intimacy that I have with my spouses - especially to my female ones - is worth the entire voyage just by itself. The dynamics of being a woman with another woman, is the happiest thing I have ever known. It is pretty nice being a woman with a man, but, for sheer emotional honesty, I will prefer the company of other women every time.
All this would have been forever unknown to me, had I not transitioned so long ago
STONEWALL Revisited
READ: I did not change my sex. I confirmed my real sex identity.
The Danger of Silicone
Depression
Diversity Transgender Issues in the Workplace
TS and Employment Discrimination
Bending the Mold: An Action Kit for Transgender Youth
Choose a Competent Caregiver
What is it Like to be
a Transsexual